The Duke Cedric arrives in Cobb Mountain. Everyone there must be intimidated by his presence as no one introduces themselves to him. The Duke is glad to see his living quarters are built 10.3334′ × 10.3334′, slightly larger then all the other citizens 10′×10′ quarters. The Duke is immediately approached by an Oread Cleric of Nethys who is upset. Apparently a man named Gaius Visbrook has been appointed to be High Priest and the Oread thinks it should be himself. The Duke tells the rock man that he will look into it and he calls his Warden Hadrian over. Hadrian tells the Duke that Visbrook is an upstanding man and he comes highly recommended. The Duke then tell the Nethyian cleric that he cannot grant his request but he can make him Vice High Priest. When the Oread correctly informs the Duke that he just made that position up and it is not a real title the Duke tells him to, “Get the fuck out of here!” The Oread tells the Duke he will regret his decision.
Warden Hadrian is approached by the Gripli who has been appointed to Royal Enforcer. The Gripli explains he doesn’t want to be the Enforcer because he doesn’t like killing. Hadrian convinces the Gripli via some hypnotisms that he should try to stick it out. Hadrian takes the concerns to the Duke. The Duke asks his local Vampire General to make a war mask for the Enforcer. When informed that the settlement doesn’t have a smithy the Vampire improvises by cutting holes in a metal bucket and the Duke paints a scary face on it. The Duke then presents the “war mask” to the Gripli telling him, “See Mr. Bullywug! No one will know that it is you doing the killing if you are wearing a mask!” The Gripli tries to explain to the Duke that the mask will not fix the problem but the Duke has moved on to other things.
Magister Octothorpe is approached by some chick that is in love with the Duke. She ask the Magister to convince the Duke to give his wife the boot so she can get the Dukes junk. The Magister informs the woman that it would put him in a awkward situation because his wife is the twin sister of the Dukes wife. Some other interactions occur with the Vampire, some Ratfolk, and other citizens but the Duke is not paying attention.
The party forms up and they decide to go exploring. The Duke is excited that they are going to some hot springs. Since the Duke doesn’t listen to entire sentences he is saddened to find out that the hot springs are in a mosquito infested swamp. The first part of the swamp is inhabited by some giant Bullfrogs who are up to some bullshit so the Duke orders them executed.
The next part contains an abandoned temple that isn’t actually abandoned and is populated by an angry bear. The Duke excitedly tells the Warden that he can use the Glory of the Sun to enhance the Warden’s wild empathy powers to calm down the bear! They use their new combo which turns out to just be yelling and smacking stick together. This just makes the bear more angry. Fortunately the Vampire was expecting his comrades to fail and critically stabs the bear with his sword. Then the match-up that everyone has been debating for years happens. Who would win? An anaconda or a bear who has been critically impaled? Tango does the dance of death on the bear and the party continues deeper into the swamp.
In the deepest part of the swamp the party is ambushed by water beetle folk. The Warden is critically stabbed by a spear but since he didn’t try to min max his stats he survives. The Ratfolk who is an alchemist and a treasurer is critically stabbed too. He has a 20 in a stat that isn’t constitution so he dies. It turns out he looks like he was sick anyways and as a last act of revenge he transfers his disease to the beetle who stabbed him. Things look dark but that’s when Shadow Mages are at their best apparently because Octothorpe’s shadow starts to strangle a beetle. The Vampire goes on a beetle killing spree and the day is saved. The party gathers their fallen comrade and the 1000 gold worth of loot they find and return home.
The Duke orders a statue to be made of their fallen friend. The Duke also feels compelled to say some words about his companion, “I barely knew him. If fact I literally don’t know his name. But he was impaled so I didn’t have to be.” The group is even more saddened when they find out that their new adventuring companion is some dumb bird man with a stupid bow.
Due to the Kingdoms superior leadership they remain quite stable. They need a new Treasurer and Hadrian recommends a Lizard Wizards he knows. The Duke accepts because he loves to say “Lizard Wizard.” It pumps him up to say those 2 words. They rhyme. They are both nouns. Lizard Wizard! It also turns out that the Cleric of Nethys was right about the Duke regretting keeping Visbrook as High Priest. Visbrook has fled town after stealing all the temple’s money and a noblewoman’s virginity. Turns out he isn’t even a cleric. The Duke asks Warden Hadrian to track down the Oread Cleric and bring him back to be the High Priest. Everyone learns that the Warden is creepily good at tracking people down and he convinces the Cleric to return as the Duke promises him a statue of Nethys. Due to budgetary restraints the statue of the Treasurer and the statue of Nethys are combined to a statue of Nethys impaling the Ratfolk. The kingdom also claims some hills and farms are built. A Luxury item store is also built.
Some boars stroll into the kingdom. The Duke fears that they may form a gang and start peddling drugs so the party heads out to confront them. Operation Glorious Wild Empathy fails to convince the boars of the error of their ways and the Duke is gored for his troubles. The party manages to kill the boars and Bacon is declared the national food of the Kingdom.